three times by the river
I saw you bare
that fish in your mouth
why did it struggle?

I know you like the cocky bears
the rock solid because they've never known hard knocks bears
who walk with foolish pride and squash bugs

but someday when your grizzled furs are grayed
will you look back with wizened eyes
at my stripes
at my bold vulnerable eyes
at the courageous gait of one who has learned to step firmly in shame
at the patient thaw of a heart so quick to warm at your passing glance

and ask
if you were just too afraid to disarm yourself to my stoic affection
to ravish my trembling form and be washed away in the burst of gorgeous hope you unleash
or
if you simply found me repulsive

I cannot tell you the answer
but I wonder every day

cuddled against a soft dirt hill
my gentle yellows ruffled by forest breeze
my mouth half-open, my nose softly snoring some slow sweet breath
my cheeks twitched, and I dreamt of your smile

your eyes on mine brightened and it was all light
weightless. my stripes can shine

and when I woke up
I did not feel the empty weight in my stomach flow to my toetips when I remembered the careless glances you cast over me
I did not clench my paws at the thoughts that cloud my paused eyes as they watch you walk off
I did not swell with shame
I did not swell
I didn't
not with shame

a bird crapped on me

there are three damp sticks on the ground
one is crooked. it's ends are scraggled and limp.
one droops to the left, covered in white moss.
the third one reminds me of you.
if you were a stick.
gorgeous.

Sweet smooth-swimming siren!
will I ever know your flow?
down, sunk in your furs
in your rise and your fall
so in
that I can't breath
so soft
that I can't let go
so hard
that I can only give
breath in
and let
go